


Sonic The Hedgehog in: Femboy Hooters

by Hellizhot



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Anatomy, Body Horror, Bottom Sonic The Hedgehog, But fun, Crack Relationships, Incorrect anatomy, M/M, Out of Character Shadow the Hedgehog, Satire, This is just bad, bottom shadow the hedgehog, chili dogs, femboy hooters - Freeform, not really - Freeform, not really but horrible things happen to bodies, out of character everbody really, seriously in front of my salad, top shadow the hedgehog, we are sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellizhot/pseuds/Hellizhot
Summary: Ohh take me home to the femboy hooters where the boys are pretty and the men have cootersSonic goes to Femboy Hooters to meet Shadow. What happens next will shock you!
Relationships: Dr. Eggman | Dr. Robotnik/Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	Sonic The Hedgehog in: Femboy Hooters

**Author's Note:**

> This was written by 5 people in a collaborative effort to make the worst thing possible.

Sonic sat alone, masturbating, thinking about Shadow. Thinking about his hot spikes along his back. What a dark and cold existence, his thoughts of suicide subsided quickly as he thought of the black hog once more. How he hungered for the touch of the Ebony agent. For that hot piece of chocolate ass. 

“Why my pp hard O.O” sonic said as he twiddled his diddle.

That’s when he remembered that Shadow told him he was going to start his first day working at Femboy Hooters. Sonic smirked, rubbing the sweat on his hands off on his My Chemical Romance t-shirt. 

“Oh Shadow~~~ Just you wait I’ll make you moan my name” Sonic heaved as he stroked his massive peen and finally reached his climax. But little did he know, Dr. Eggman was watching him through his window, also masturbating. 

(Dr. Eggman is a known  **sex offender** )

Sonic breathed hard. Sticky time. He shot his blue load (his cummies are blue because he is blue) into his blue sock (his cum sock is blue so the cum doesn’t stain). Then he squeezed his sock for all it was worth into a jar to add onto his collection. Rainbow Dash was almost completely covered in his cum. He was all finished and proud of himself for being such a big boy. Looking back at his computer screen, he debated going to visit Shadow at femboy hooters to look at his round ebony ass in those  femboylicious booty shorts.

Would it be weird for him to go see him? Visiting someone at a job like that without an invitation might seem weird, but...those shorts… Sonic could feel another stiffy coming on thinking about how those shorts carved out Shadow’s tight ass, conforming to each and every curve of his ass. The shorts that slipped immaculately into the contours of his butt cheeks.

Making up his mind to go and see that tight ass, Sonic clicked out of the Lego Ninjago yaoi he had been reading earlier before thoughts of Shadow had interrupted. With several clicks of his mouse, he deleted his search history and turned off his 1992 Windows Vista home computer. With his mind completely filled with images of Shadow laying across the tables at Femboy Hooters, he threw off his “ _blue_ _cream”_ stained My Chemical Romance t-shirt, replacing it with a Weezer shirt that laid on the top of his semi-clean laundry pile. 

***

Sonic’s green orbs scanned the parking lot of femboy hooters, desperate to catch a glimpse of the ebony agent. Finally, he saw  **_him_ ** **,** looking brilliant in those booty shorts. Sonic struggled to stop his jaw from dropping as Shadow strutted over to him. As Shadow stood in front of Sonic, two inches away from his unwashed greasy blue hedgehog body, Sonic couldn’t take it anymore: 

“Jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely,” Sonic blurted out. Shadow bit his lip and handed Sonic a flier.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” Shadow said, somehow not gagging at Sonic’s putrid body odor that was a combination of cologne and spoiled cum, “but you’re too late, I’m off the clock.” Before Sonic could rhyme the word ‘clock’ with his absolute favorite word, by saying “oh, you’re off the clock? Now you can get on my cock!”. Shadow heavily sighed. 

“It would’ve been nice to see you today, uhh,” Shadow said in an emo tone, (A/N: because he is very emo, just like me UwU), “You could always become my coworker. I’d recommend you for your talents.” Sonic glanced at the flier in his hands, which turned out to be a job application. 

“I’d love to work with you- I mean it’d be cool to work at this place. Seems cool. Yeah,” Sonic responded, struggling to seem cool (AUTHOR’S NOTE: sonic is so cute when he struggles to talk to the emo boy Shadow ლ(´ڡ`ლ)). 

“Great, I get a bonus for every time I recommend someone. See you at work if you can manage to get hired,” Shadow said in a gruff tone, his demeanor changing as he changed his polite work persona to his more rough and cold regular persona. Sonic could swear that Shadow’s orbs had changed color from a dark pink to a crimson red. Kinda secksy ngl...

“I swear I’ll get hired! If you got hired; I definitely can!” Sonic shouted, much to the discontent of the sleeping homeless crippled people that lived in the bushes of Femboy Hooter parking lot. If only they could walk, maybe they too could be  femboylicious . Dodging an empty bottle of pee, Shadow smirked and headed to his car that had anime bumper stickers and a license plate that read: “sexy and free.” Sonic picked up the bottle of pee for later and ran home faster than Usain Bolt. (A/N: stay hydrated anons!)

*** 

Sonic rushed into the changing room of Femboy Hooters, so happy that he managed to secure a position at the establishment. He started opening up his brand new uniform, but out of the corner of his huge cyclops eye he could see the ebony agent changing. Sonic stopped and stared because it was the only thing he could do. 

Shadow moaned definitely not for any other reason than being tired ;). He slipped into his tight little femboy uniform. (Uwu naughty black man.) The fabric was so tight that it was crushing his balls, it did feel kinda good, but still a bit uncomfortable. Even with taping his femboy boy dick to his ass, his dick was so long and his shorts so tight he could feel his member going into his own ass. He exited the changing rooms without even noticing the blubbering mess that was Sonic. 

When Shadow looked up he saw the blue blur slink out of the changing room into his hot and horny establishment, he couldn’t help the smirk that snuck onto his face. Shadow sauntered over to Sonic, his hips moving unnaturally to accentuate his ultra juicy hedgehog dumpy in his size zero femboy mini shorts, the sound of his cheeks clapping echoed throughout the restaurant. 

“Heyyyy Sonic-kun,” he said with a wink. “Welcome to the femboy hooters where the boys are pretty and the men have cooters.”

“H-hey Shadow,” Sonic said, all blushy cause God DAMN shadow is sexy. Shadow smirked so hard part of his smirk smirked right off his face.

“Sonic, baby boy, I am so glad to see you working here at my fine  femboylicious establishment?” Sonic fidgeted with his hands (that are blue because he is blue but you cannot see them because he is wearing a sexy pair of gloves for his first day on the job).

“Well… I don’t know. I’m not confident and hot and sexy like you Shadow. And...and my ass is definitely not the double decker dump truck that you’ve got… I’m kinda worried about this job” Sonic said dejectedly. Shadow shook his head and started getting in Sonic’s space, making him walk backwards towards the salad bar.

“And uh… I thought you just worked here? W-when did you take over?” Sonic asked him, tilting his head like an anime character would if this was an anime animated by Japanese people in Japan.

“Lol i took over after someone lit the last manager on fire :)))))))))))” 

“Wut.” Sonic was turned on by that slight implication because people think criminals are hot.

“Anyways, oh Sonie boy, I love your ultra smooth Minecraft flat world lookin’ ass. And I can see that it looks great in some of my name brand femboy hooters shorts. Seeing you prancing around serving people…” Shadow licked his lips and even touched his nose with his tongue (A/N: See how flexible his tongue is?? This might come back later).

Sonic didn’t know what to say. Shadow was into his flat as paper barely round buttocks? For a brief moment, he imagined all his wildest fantasies with the ebony anthro becoming reality. Then, Shadow did something completely unexpected.

Shadow plastered sonic against the salad bar. He grabbed the tongs from the croutons and started to pinch Sonics tender pink nipples through his femboy hooter crop top. 

“Au **GH** ! S-shadow!” Sonic cried out in euphoria as shadow nibbled on his spikey blue ear. 

“Oh you’re sensitive there, baby?” Shadow seductively whispered, pulling away from sonic to adjust his position. Placing his knee in between Sonic’s noodle legs, Shadow forced the blue hedgehog’s legs open. 

Shadow’s tight booty shorts showed how hard he was. His boner pressed hard into Sonic’s thigh. 

Sonic looked down and blushed a deep shade of red as Shadow slowly began to place his strong gloved hand on his throbbing dick. He pinched the tip and twisted. The dick popped like bubble wrap, but sonic couldn’t help but enjoy the intense pain. Shadow reached for the ranch dressing which he splattered all over the both of them, like a serial killer using bleach to clean out the blood stains (A/N ted bundy could step on me babe). 

Through the ranch dressing, Sonic could see that Shadow’s member was stippled with rows of bumps and rings. Very sensual looking in theory. However, the head of the damn thing was in the shape of a lego man hand. Sonic was fascinated by the idea of Shadow’s Alien Excalibur itching his inner anal cavity. “Wow! Alien dick really has its perks!” Sonic exclaimed with glee.

Sonic spread his asscheeks wide just waiting for shadow to enter him, but Shadow knew he had to be loosened up first. Shadow leaned down and inserted his tongue into Sonic’s tight anus. His tongue was super long and flexible, and swirled all around Sonic’s ass like a chocolate and vanilla soft serve swirly cone. He reached Sonics prostate and knew the blue bitch would be moaning in pleasure once he slurped it up. 

Sonic heaved like an old man that had been kicked in the ribs; desperate for air. The pleasure was too much to handle. The feeling of shadows long rough licker against his walls. 

By now, sonic’s ass was in heaven, the feeling of shadow filling him up was almost too much. Sonic cried out shadow’s name and gripped the edge of the salad bar. Drooling on the round juicy cherry tomatoes, his fur becoming stickier as his sweat mixed with the ranch dressing. 

That’s when shadow stopped. Sonic turned to face him begging for him to continue pleasuring his virgin asshole. “P-please Shadow… My ass…. My asshole needs your lego man cock.“ Shadow smirked as he grunted.

“This is even better; it’s all megablox babe...I think it’s time I put it in, baby.” Shadow hissed. “Pound me like a sack of potatoes.” He was ready to make some mashed potatoes, dick cheese and all. 

Sonic’s eyes widened as he prepared for his loosened flat ass to be pleasured to another level. “S-shadow?” Sonic quivered.

“Yeah, blue baby boy?” The ebony assassin huffed.

“Ravage my ass. Make me  CUm,” sonic drooled. Shadow’s peen looked as delicious as a chili dog. 

Sonic wanted Shadows hot load in his ass, filling him up, making him whole. He wanted to keep it as a snack for later. A topping for his chili dogs. Salty, just as he liked his mashed potatoes. 

***

Little did the two boys know, Dr. Eggman was busy watching, studying the hogs as they advanced in their pleasurable activities. Eggman was the ultimate perv and was always watching Sonic when he busted a fat one. In his defense, Sonic was always conveniently doing the right hand tango in front of open windows. Regardless, Eggman had a huge big brained boner for the blue blur (A/N: That’s a little trick I like to call “alliteration”. I learned it from my English teacher in 7th grade :p) 

However, Eggman knew the blue hedgie’s heart (and wee wee) belonged to someone else. That accursed Shadow the hedgehog! He didn’t only hate Shadow because he was the apple of Sonic’s bright green orbs, but also because he was black. Eggman shook his fist at the sky because he was banned from entering the hooters, but he wanted nothing more than to barge in there and grab the blue blur. Frustration pooled in Eggman’s reproductive organs as the customers of the Hooters cheered on the hogs. He ran home Naruto style (A/N: I read somewhere that that increases ur speed and Eggman wanted to go FAST heehee like sonic lol).

When Eggman got to his house, he immediately zoomed to his invention room. He was certain his latest machine would finally help him obtain the nearly inverted pancake hiney of the blue blur. When he reached his machine, he rubbed his hands together evilly.

“Yes yes! My newest robot will be IRRESISTIBLE. I’ll find that blue baby bitch bastard and make him fall in love with the  _ perfect _ specimen” Eggman gloated as he felt his heart and pants tighten. He looked down and realized his cock was bulging out of his tight leather pants. He needed Sonic’s tight little twink ass to fully satisfy his primal urges. 

“Wanky time!” Eggman squealed like a little girl. Eggman wasn’t called Eggman for no reason. He had a little baby boy chode. A puny little 1 inch punisher that wouldn’t satisfy even an ant. Also it was shaped like an egg. Coincidentally, his sperm was also a little yellow, like the yolk of an egg. As soon as Eggman touched his mini weenie hut jr. ding dong, he came because he’s a fucking virgin. 

“REEEEEEEEEE!” Eggman screeched. “EVERYTIME I CUM TOO FAST” (A/N: heehee just like Sonic lol). Eggman shook his head, then smiled and laughed. “No matter. Yes, no longer will I cum too quick. It’s time to put my machine into action.” Eggman took his teeny weeny pp and stuck it into his machine. “Lmao dat feels kinda good tho O.O” Eggman said, but he couldn’t relish in the pleasure for long because the machine started to whir and make loud noises.

BINK BONK BLING BEEP BEEP BEEP RING DING DING CHING CHONG CHING LING (A/N: That’s just the sound the machine makes lolol :p don’t @ me)

The deed was done. Eggman looked down at what used to be his lil’ egg. It was now a beautiful, five dollar footlong, fully loaded,  **_Chili Dog_ **

***

Those downright dirty hogs were still bare backing it like a couple of filthy animals. Shadow started jackhammering Sonics raw asshole, his alien lego man dick rings rubbing in all the right spots. Pummeling Sonic’s internal organs to oblivion. 

“AuH. Fuck. ShAadow…” Sonic cried out, “I think I’m gonna cum!”

Shadow started to scream like a crack whore who hadn’t taken a riff from her bong in a week (A/N: just like me >~<). High pitched, painful. A huge load was shot into Sonics gaping flat ass. Sonic’s thick mashed potatoes came shooting out as Shadow’s came in. A living mashed potato maker. He could feed a small African village with the amount of cum potatoes that came out of that hole. The sheer magnitude of the blast in his ass, made sonic piss into the mushroom compartment of the salad bar. ( A/N: A golden shower for those naughty little fungi.) 

“Oh damn shadow.. it’s all over the salad bar..” sonic said bashfully, blushing hard. 

“That’s alright beautiful blue bitch boy, it’ll be tomorrow’s special dressing. It adds flavor to the ranch, I would know.” Shadow winked as he pulled out of Sonic’s hole. His fat Alien lego block schlong slamming down on the salad bar all wet and sloppy, splashing their hedgie juices even more into the not-so-fresh produce.

Turns out, though, that Sonic was allergic to the ranch that was spilled on him before. He started breaking out and swelling up. Shadow flipped the fuck out and skated away. (A/N: 🎶he was a sk8r boi she said see ya l8r boi🎶). 

Just then, Tails came by to make himself a nice little salad. He was super excited. 

“Ooh boy! The salad already has ranch all over it! What a fine establishment you have here shadow!” Tails said as he licked his “dressing” drenched salad leaves with joy. “Oh! It’s extra creamy today! Just like the mashed potatoes over there!” Then he actually noticed the commotion. “OMG Sonic are you fucking dying!?”

Sonic convulsed all over the cum ridden salad bar like a piece of hot bacon. Tails didn’t know what to do either so he just had an existential crisis as sonic fucking blew up like a balloon. Suddenly, a masked man entered the hooters.

“NO BLUE BASTARDS IN MY  FEMBOYLICIOUS HOOTERS!!”

CHA CHINKCHA CHINK BAAA BAAAAAAAAAANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The man shot Sonic (A/N: even tho sonic was already dying so liek that was kinda messed up :/) and then sonic really died. Right there. On the cummy bar. It was almost beautiful. Like the Mona Lisa. (A/N: If I had a weeny you know what angle it would be at right now?)

The man slowly brought his thin arms up to his face, pulling down on the mask, revealingly his true identity. 

It was Sonic’s illegitimate son, Blue Bitch Boy 2.0, or as shadow was dying to call him, Bitch Boy. 

Shadow nutted on the spot just looking at Bitch Boy(A/N he was watching from afar. Poor sonic >n<). All of the flaws of sonic were gone, all that was left was the hottest hog the Butch femboy Black assassin had ever seen. 

The gruff hog speedily skated up to the younger blue hedgy boy and whisked him away. Blue Bitch Boy 2.0 was dragged into the kitchen. Shadow didn’t waste any time whipping his dick out of those sexy little shorts and immediately forced the younger blue hedgehog on his knees. Blue Bitch Boy 2.0 smirked and started running his snakelike tongue along shadow’s foreign member. He kissed each and every lump delicately before swirling his tongue around Shadow’s LEGO man hand tip. He then started the suckling. Shadow had never had someone suck him off so well. A small moan escaped his fuzzy chops. This drove Blue Bitch Boy 2.0 to go deeper, harder. 

Shadow breathily moaned, “I-I-I’m gonna- IM GONNA COME!” The hot fresh mashed potatoes sprayed out from the LEGO hand penis tip, covering Blue Bitch Boy 2.0’s face as he pulled out. Bitch Boy then grabbed shadows dummy thick asscheeks and in one swift motion, flipped Shadow on his back. Shadow’s legs fell open and his freshly pummeled peen lay across his furry belly. 

“Once isn’t enough for me,” Bitch Boy said  **cock** ily as he licked his fingers, preparing to spread open Shadow’s anus. Shadow was speechless, he’d never had sex so good in his life, and had never been the bottom either (A/N: Usually Shadow isn’t a little bottom bitch lmao but he’s black so he needs to be at a little disadvantage :p). 

Bitch Boy pushes his fingers into Shadow’s tight opening, as shadows wanger became flooded with blood. Shadow’s lego dick was twitching like an epileptic child. Unrestrainable, Bitch Boy rubbed Shadows sweet spot until the manly ebony black hog was sweating and drooling in pleasure. 

“Put it in. PUT IT IN!” Shadow screamed, once again like a crack whore as Bitch Boy continued to toy with him. Shadow’s creamy asshole was pulsating with desire for Bitch Boy’s blue dingle dongle. 

Bitch boy then pulled out his wet fingers, as shadow had loosened up quite a bit. He placed the tip of his penis on shadows splayed asshole, and then pushed it all the way in. 

With every thrust of Bitch Boy’s throbbing blue member, his ass cheeks clapped as loud as thunder. His ass cheeks were fat and voluptuous, rivaling those of the ebony hog under him, and far surpassing the pathetically flat Great Plains that his father called an ass. In and out, in and out, his cock, as thick as a fat baby’s arm holding an apple slammed repeatedly into Shadow’s gaping slick hole.

“I could keep going forever, sexy thang,” Bitch Boy’s buttery voice rolled over shadow’s body. Shadow envied his never ending stamina. It’s like he never got tired. In and out, in and out, with each thrust shadow got more and more lost in the heat of love making. 

Only animalistic moaning came out of Shadows mouth. Like the animal he had been this entire time. The animal he knew he was. He imagined himself on the open plains of the wild. Doing things as a nonanthro hedge would. Eating bugs and shit. Roughing and toughing it out with all the other femboy hogs. Shadow vowed to never top again, not after the pure bliss his lower half had just experienced. He got a good ol slap on the ass to knock him back to his senses. 

“OoOh! Fu-Fuck. Your mashed potatoes are too good. (A/N bitch boy isn’t black) Teach me how to make more” Shadow gurgled, licking the cum that had gotten on his face. 

“I put a heavy amount of _cream_ in mine,” Bitch Boy said as he caressed shadow’s thick spines. (A/N notice how cream is in fancy letters uwu) 

They fucked so hard, Sonic’s dead body rolled over. The ranch dressing leaking onto the floor, puddling around his bloated corpse.

Tails could overhear the two hedgehogs going at it in the kitchen and was so traumatized. Hearing Shadow be the bottom was so shocking tails broke down in tears. 

“Oh shadow..” tails cried, “you never let  _ me  _ top you before.. no matter how much I begged..” Tails twirled his tails together and flew over top of Sonic’s dead body. 

Eggman then barged through the door after all the commotion, chili dog dick in hand.

“Sonic! I have your favorite food and it’s yum yum ti- OH HOLY FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOO.” Eggman dropped to his knees beside the blue blur. He was crying fat big Eggman tears over Sonic’s body. Then he realized his chili dog dong was still super hard. He cried and cried as he jerked his chili wiener off above Sonic’s corpse, positioning his chili dick right above Sonic’s open mouth. He wanted the hedgie to have a taste of his favorite food one last time. 

**Eggman came. Sonic died. Shadow kept fucking Sonics** **Son** **.**

Tails had seen enough. That was the final straw. Though he enjoyed the mashed potatoes and cum dressing. That was enough. Tails pulled a glock out of his fox foreskin (A/N: because he wasn't a jew and still had it) and shot himself right between the eyes. Landing face first into Sonic’s chili-cum filled mouth. 

The sun began to expand just like Sonic’s asshole had. No longer did it provide heat to the earth it used to care for. It was sick of having to standby as a witness to awful crimes. It grew so bad, consuming first Mercury, then Uranus (A/N just like i will if you don’t like and subscribe to my AOL page), and then the Earth itself. Shadow and Sonic’s son’s bodies became one in one last second before being completely removed from existence. The last thing Tails tasted was Shadow’s special salad dressing and Eggman’s  _ chili _ . Eggman’s last thoughts involved putting the corpse of the blue speedster in a jar for more fun later, before he too was erased atom by atom from this universe. All the customers at Femboy Hooters, and the business itself fell victim to the death of the galaxy. All of the cities, neighborhoods, and humans succumbed to the same fate and felt nothing more for the rest of time. 

The only thing left in the Milky Way was Sonic. As the sun ate all of the planets in the galaxy, it shrunk into a pure ball of white light that had no more heat left for a galaxy that had made it witness hedgehog salad bar sex. Sonic was somehow not dead, unlike what was stated before because shit my nastly little blue man isnt dead. After Shadow had emptied all of his fluids into Sonic, the alien properties of the fluids had resurrected Sonic. It also had made him immune to dying to the cold vacuum of space, because are you actually stupid it’s alien semen why wouldnt it do that. Unfortunately for Blue Bitch Boy 2.0, he had not appreciated the fluids enough for them to bond to his soul and assure his survival or whatever the hell. Plus, his body yearned to be finished in the heat of the moment (literally and figuratively). Sonic could do nothing as he floated around the white dwarf that was once the sun, except to think. He had an eternity to think about that final ride with Shadow, that glorious last hoorah, and he was grateful for it. Sonic’s imagination could last forever with the material Shadow had provided in that last session, but eternities did past. Eventually, craving the peak but unable to reach it, Sonic stopped thinking... what a dirty little vegetable he became. 

  
  
  
  


Works Cited

Manser, Christopher. “Knowledge Centre.”  _ What Would Happen If the Sun Exploded? _ , 18 Apr. 2019, warwick.ac.uk/newsandevents/knowledgecentre/science/physics-astrophysics/explodingsun/.


End file.
